bak bak and leafty under a tree

sounds like a title for a children's book. appropriate because for these two special friends, their story lives on. somewhere.

yes, Bak Bak has passed on and has since joined Leafty under the shade of a tree.

since his passing, our thoughts and feelings in the family waver from heartache at one moment and relief in another. we can’t believe he is gone but at the same time, it can be nothing but a timely flight from a body that refused to function a long time ago.

also, it leaves us not any more convicted for or against euthanasia. Bak Bak was a special case for whom the virus attacked the nerves such that he lost feeling in his leg and body. he continued to be same old Bak Bak from the waist up, wanting to be stroked, to be cuddled, to be loved.

the vet recommended that we put him down once he stopped eating but we couldn’t do it. even as he wasted away, he was still same old Bak Bak from the waist up. and then he drifted off into a coma and we thought it would be right to let him just pass away in his own time.

but it dragged. on and on for days as his body shrunk more and more. and doubt began to seep in. is he in pain? is he in a nightmarish septic delirium? is he at peace? who really knows?

on the last day, he woke up and he meowed for us. that was a shock. was he crying in pain? or was he trying for the last time to be same old Bak Bak, wanting to be stroked, to be cuddled, to be loved? but it dawned on us, most of all, he wanted to live.

he drifted back into a coma and was finally taken. we are at peace. he fought his fight in exactly the time it takes to say goodbye. as I write this, the tears are streaming but they are not sad tears. because we can smile at the legend he leaves behind. the same legend that precedes him where he is going.

but what kind of decision would we make for the next cat? we don’t know. the question of dying cannot be that easily solved. and in some odd way, we take comfort in that.